The Soul is Not a Smithy
The very involved scenarios that the narrator imagines while he is in class are confusing in that it’s never clear whether he is in control of the storyline or if it is developing without his direct involvement. He claims that filling each panel with a part of the story takes more concentration than actually paying attention in class, yet the story seems out of his control. As he describes it, even he seems surprised by its dark nature.
A great quote that Callie liked was, "Obviously, this intense preoccupation was lethal in terms of my Listening Skills during second period Civics, in that it led my attention not merely to wander idly, but to actively construct whole linear, discretely organized narrative fantasies, many of which unfolded in considerable detail" (71).
He mentions, of course, the possibility that the events in the classroom were influencing the tone of his stories, which led us to a discussion about memory, and the way the most peripheral things can sometimes stick with us in the most detail.
We discussed why the teacher went crazy (or so they believed) compared to the tedium the father felt at his career, and ended up focusing on what adults give up in life in order to provide what they need to for their families. The teacher was submerged in the tedium of life, could not handle it, and fell apart. This relentless tedium seems to correlate with the dreams the child has of his fear of adulthood.
Along those same lines, the narrator's father makes it very clear (through the boy's narration) that he does not like his career. It was interesting to think about the time period (the 50's?), during which most parents worked to provide for their families and their work was work. We agreed that it is both devastating that the father was in severe psychic pain, and incredibly brave that he sacrificed all he did for his family. He had a great amount of selflessness.
Sometimes the narrator forget the scenarios he creates on the window screen, while other days, they stay in his mind and pick up where they left off. It is interesting to note that the scenarios from the day he was held hostage in the classroom have stayed with him throughout his life. Within the same token, he remembers a specific flash-scene of the The Exorcist that his then girlfriend did not remember. They both walk out of the movie theatre in the afternoon sun and must face reality, recognizing that the movie (likewise, his storyboards) was not real. Even though it was just an imaginary world, it somehow correlates to life on the outside that the human soul makes a connection to and cannot forget the imaginative world because of it.
Good Old Neon
Right from the beginning, one of Wallace's favorite themes becomes very apparent: self-consciousness or how other people view you, and whether or not you are or can even hope to be genuine. Neil admits from the start that he is not genuine.
Neil makes many comparisons of his fraudulence:
1. "…as if I were constantly playing chess with everybody and figuring out that if I wanted them to move a certain way I had to move in such a way as to induce them to move that way" (146).
2. "It felt a little like looking at part of a puzzle you're doing and you've got a piece in your hand and you can't see where in the larger puzzle it's supposed to go or how to make it fit, looking at all the holes, and then all of a sudden in a flash you see, for no reason right then you could point to or explain to anyone, that if you turn the piece this one certain way it will fit, and it does, and maybe the best way to put it is that in that one tiny instant you feel suddenly connected to something larger and much more of the complete picture the same way the piece is" (149).
Almost as soon as you start talking about something it becomes less real; language is not innocent anymore and when we use it, we feel naive about how we are using it. There is no "good" way to communicate your thoughts/feelings to other people because they can never fully understand what is happening inside of your mind and soul. Words cannot live up to feelings.
There were a lot of the same themes in this story as we discovered in The Depressed Person (how to make real, sincere connections with others and be rid of crippling self-consciousness). But the ending of Good Old Neon was different; it was redemptive somehow, suggesting the temporary abandonment of a language that prevents our sincerity. It almost felt like it was saying, step back from your life, and just tell yourself to stop. Just be genuine. Even if that means being an asshole to your older sister while she is going through puberty. That is the only way to escape the it.
